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"Simply"
Increasing Prosperity
A client of mine recently gave me a "triumph call"-- he'd achieved a goal he'd
been working on for a long time: financial independence. "You were right all this
time," he said. "I did increase
prosperity through simplifying my life!" In just two years he went from an
overworked, overstressed, overweight, overspent marketing director to a debt-free,
relaxed, physically fit writer (with freedom to work as much or as little as he cares
to!). He changed where he worked, where he lived, what he thought, and how he spent his
money and time, gradually shifting the course of his life onto the path he'd always
dreamed.
This story is not a miracle. Each of us is able to live our dreams--and the Universe wants us to live our dreams. However, the pressures of
our culture obscure the path to living our ideal lives. Many of us work and spend more
than we would if we weren't immersed in a society that worships MORE.
The antidote to this is to simplify. Enhance the activities and expenses that are of top
value to you (a "9" or "10" on a 1-10 scale) and start diminishing
those that are less than that. It may involve saying "no" to good things--but
the payoff is saying "yes" to what you value more! That is prosperity.
A simple life may look different from the packaged "prosperity" that our culture
holds out as the norm. The client mentioned above sold his house and bought a small place
with the cash he received on equity. Instantly,
he was mortgage-free. Our society says you are supposed to increase
your living space at all costs. For this man, who plans to travel in the south all winter,
and isn't highly focused on home-making, a small place is actually better. And the fact
that it's paid for frees him up to work less, play more, and experiment with ideas he's
been longing to do. That's more prosperity than when he had a huge home and mortgage, and
was under pressure to make a large income to keep up with his expenses.
Another client increased her prosperity by simplifying what she did with her time.
"Everything I do is for someone else!"
she discovered. She was spending the bulk of her energy satisfying other people's
expectations and agendas. When she simplified down to just the things that mattered most
to her, she reduced her stress level, improved
her health, and discovered a dormant creative talent. In an unexpected by-product, her
marriage improved. In her words she became "much easier to live with!"
Prosperity comes when you set your sights firmly on your ideal life. Simplifying expenses,
activities, and mindset creates the freedom you need to make changes. You "make
room" for true prosperity to come into your life.
The Great
Sensuous Eating Experience
We are designed to be exquisitely, intimately involved with food. Food is more than just
sustenance--it's a total sensory experience. If you perfunctorily toss down edibles
without savoring them to the fullest you are missing the banana boat.
Unfortunately, the Board of Very Cranky Adults decided a long time ago on rules to inhibit
our enjoyment of food. It's time we took matters into our own hands and reclaimed the
right to revel in food with all our senses.
Here are new rules, created by the Committee for the Advancement of Simple Pleasures. Post
them on your refrigerator. Read them before preparing a meal. Adopt them. Love them.
1. Throw your food
You never truly know a food until you've tossed it around. Nothing's better for making you
notice a food's shape, texture, color and, well, aerodynamics.
Try it! Grasp the solid roundness of an orange. Finger the smooth, pocked peel. Toss it
into the air and catch it, appreciating how it grows smaller as it goes farther away,
larger as it returns. Enjoy the smack as it hits your palm. Feel the weight in your hand.
Repeat as many times as it takes to lift your spirits. Bonus points if another person
walks in and you play catch with them. When you've fully enjoyed throwing the orange, eat
it (it's now more flavorful from being warmed, and juicier from gentle impact.)
2. Eat with your fingers
Children want to eat canned peaches with their fingers. Why? BECAUSE IT FEELS GOOD. People
like to lick the batter bowl as much as eat the finished treat. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN. The
touch of food on ANY part of the body can be a joy!
Try this: serve an entire meal sans silverware, giving everyone permission to use fingers,
tongues, or whatever part of their body gets the food to their mouth. Here's a good menu
for a variety of textures: spaghetti (serve it with your hands!), salad, bread (tear
pieces off the loaf), and ice cream sundaes for dessert. You and your family or friends
will never forget the tactile joy of delving hands into your food and licking fingers
throughout the meal.
Bonus points for chanting, "Silverware is a sensory rip-off!"
3. Inhale your food
You know how tasteless food is when your nose is stuffed up--tuna may as well be rubber,
and toast tastes like cardboard. Since your tongue only reports four tastes (salty,
bitter, sweet, sour) and your nose senses over 10,000 smells, you must smell your food to
get the real flavor. For example, maple sugar, white sugar, brown sugar and honey all have
the exact same taste--sweet. What allows you to distinguish them is the smell, both before
it's in your mouth, and after as it wafts up the back of your throat to your olfactory
cells.
Make it a habit to close your eyes (you can smell better by eliminating the dominant
sense) and slowly breathe in the smell of your food for a good 10 seconds. Let the rich
smell of lasagna fill your nose. Enjoy the yeasty smell of bread. Be tickled by the scent
of orange juice. Draw in the comforting aroma of tea. Notice the scents of foods you don't
normally think to smell, like carrots, raisins or milk. The more you smell it, the better
your food will taste.
4. Make noise
Groan with pleasure, sigh in contentment, oooh in amazement, burp in satisfaction, smack
in appreciation. Let a taste be so wonderful you emit the sound it inspires. After all,
food talks to you -- the snap of raw green beans, the clicking of pasta being stirred, the
crinkly crack of eggshell, the sizzling of frying onions. Have a meal where no one can
talk, only make non-word noises. You will love the freedom to make sounds that actually
add to your food experience. Food is noisy---and so are you, if you dare!
5. Don't waste time on convenience
Spend time with your food. Wash and cut up your own vegetables, appreciating their bumpy,
sleek, or fuzzy textures. Make bread from scratch every so often, to punch your hands into
flour-dusted dough. Turn off the television and make dinner preparation a family event;
some of the world's most meaningful conversations occur while making food. You don't win
anything by eliminating preparation. In fact, you lose--money, pleasure, satisfaction,
communion, and one of life's greatest simple pleasures.
6. Play with your food
It's okay to arrange your peas into a Star of David if you want to. Put a carrot nose on
the eggplant if it makes you laugh. Find out how many green grapes fit in your mouth
without breaking. Arrange red and gold apples in a centerpiece. Why not experiment with
your food, play with it, get more enjoyment out of it than just the chewing?
Food is fun. Food is divine. It's a gift from creation that wouldn't have had to be so
interesting and beautiful. To do it justice we should enjoy it in all ways--its looks, its
sounds, its smells, tastes, and textures. Bless your food. Exult in it. And if a little
lands on the walls, so be it.
Sensuous
Spirituality
Is there any spiritual experience that does not come through the senses? Think about it:
you have an intuitive flash--accompanied by a visceral "punch" in the stomach.
You experience a moment of profound spiritual bliss-- and a vibrating sense of well-being
floods your body. You have a psychic blast--you "saw" something before it
happened. On this earthly plane our spirits and bodies are entwined. To fully experience
our soul, we must embrace our senses.
Your senses feed you information both from outside, such as sounds and scenes and
textures, and from the inside, such as heart beating, blood rushing, or stomach growling
(plug your ears and hear the great booming going on inside you)! By tuning more acutely
into your senses, you increase your spiritual power. You become more sensitive to
spiritual messages.
Great spiritual practices intimately involve the senses. For example, in some forms of
meditation one absorbs every detail in the surroundings. In the sweat lodge, heat
facilitates spiritual cleansing. Mantras create sound and vibrations in one's head and
chest. The smoke of incense or sage pleases the eyes and nose. Many practices involve the
body at large, such as twirling Sufi dancing, yoga's Sun Salutation and the
stand/sit/kneel/sign of the cross sequence of Catholic mass. Taste may be involved, as in
Holy Communion at Christian services or bitter herbs at Jewish Passover. And of course,
music is integral to spiritual experience. Clearly, the senses are vital to fully
accessing our spirituality.
Improve your senses
You can physically improve some of your senses, such as smell, touch, balance, vision and
taste. Others like hearing and the magnetic sense (that which allows dowsers to find
water, and lost people to find home) cannot be physically
improved, but through increased awareness can effectively feed you more information.
Gratefulness is essential
The first step in improving sensuality is to be thankful for your senses and amazing body.
Appreciate that you are as much a being of the Earth as of the stars. Many spiritual
seekers denigrate the body or see it as a blockade to higher realms, a "lesser"
part of our being. This attitude is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is impossible to truly
feel that we belong in the universe until we embrace our natures as physical and spiritual
creatures. Bless the senses as the pathways through which you experience everything in
this lifetime. They are a link to the divine.
Intention is next
Desiring greater awareness improves sensuality. You may savor the tang of raspberry juice.
Listen to the musical drop of water into the sink. Close your eyes and experience the
rushing of wind in your ears. This focus will immediately seem to improve your senses,
when all you have done is begun to pay more attention.
Exploration stretches sensual boundaries
To tune your senses to even higher awareness, follow your curiosity. Senses must be
explored and challenged to keep improving. Explore a little right now: Feel the coarseness
of the paper in your hands. Smell the page. Now shake the paper and hear its different
sounds. Touch your tongue to the page and notice the taste and texture (and how funny you
look!). Now think of one more way to experience this paper through your senses.
Exploration is harder because it's more obvious. People may notice you doing unusual
things, such as listening closely to the clicking as you stir noodles, or holding your
coffee mug up to watch curls of steam. But it is in these moments of exploration and
wonder that you become open to spiritual experience. Remember as a child how a ladybug
crawling over your hand transported you to awe? You can regain this spiritual sense of
wonder by embracing the millions of simple and holy things all around you. Smell your
food, feel a stone building, rub bare feet on the carpet, add green herbs to a dish, or
touch the skin of one you love.
Practice keeps you improving
Random exploration is great---but intentional, repeated exercises are key to expanding
your sensory awareness. For example, 50% of the population cannot smell one of the main
human hormones that we emit, but with daily practice, half of those developed the ability
to smell it. Many people find there are foods they don't like, yet by always sampling a
tiny bit of everything--even things you don't like---you eventually "teach" your
tongue to enjoy a wider realm of flavors.
Embracing the brilliance of the senses is embracing every aspect of life. It's living
fully as a physical and spiritual being. Improving
and enhancing these capabilities is key to accessing our higher selves. Enjoy this divine
and sensual journey!
Ousting the
Time-Stealers
Many of us complain about having "no time." We lead busy, full lives, often
feeling rushed and unable to do the things we really want.
What if you could have 2 more hours a day to do only what
you love? Well, you can. It means ousting some time-stealers that are built right
into the normal day of an American.
To find time for your dreams, eliminate one or more of these things--unless, of course,
these activities top the list of what you most want to do in life. If they don't, they are
stealing time from more important things:
- Watching television (average US adult watches 4 hours a day)
- Browsing mail order catalogues
- Shopping
- Excessive grooming (more than 1/2 hour a day in washing, dressing, fixing hair,
etc.)
- Cleaning and laundry (many people iron sheets, vacuum daily, wash towels and
clothes after every use, etc. Worth the time? More important than your dreams?)
- Surfing the Internet (is it what you most want to be doing?)
- Reading/answering e-mail (do all these people really matter to you? Is it quality
communication?)
- Reading the newspaper (listen to MPR to stay on top of the news while driving,
cooking, or exercising. Would that free up time for something you love more than reading
the paper?)
- Talking on the phone (every conversation has a point of diminishing return.
Recognize it, and say goodbye.)
- Browsing magazines (unless it truly helps
you pursue your dreams)
Sometimes I'm caught by one of these time-stealers in a sneak attack. Recently I
met a friend to go bumming around Uptown. We were glad to see each other and to have a few
hours to reconnect. We began to walk and talk, then saw the used CD store. We agreed to
duck in and check it out. We ended up spending 45 minutes browsing, selecting a few,
listening to some, and ultimately buying one. It was engrossing, interesting...and not
what we most wanted to do, which was to relate with each other.
Then we couldn't resist an alluring card store. There were so many cards, for so many
occasions--and look, wouldn't this one be perfect for my sister... A half hour later we
left, having purchased a card and candle.
Next, a home furnishings store, rife with beautiful things. And there, a wrought iron
candle holder, marked down 60%! We murmured over it, cocked our heads and imagined it on
our respective tables, and decided to keep browsing and think about it. We left with
neither of us buying it--but I cast a longing look at it as I walked out the door.
Then, a bookstore...overwhelmed by so many books, I
never left the front table. I picked them up, read the back covers, looked at the author
photos, read a few paragraphs in the middle of them, wondered if my own book was still on
the shelves...and an hour later, we left. I had written down several to try to get at the
library.
Finally we made it to the spot where we'd been planning to eat, and got to share our
stories, problems and affection for each other. That
was the point of the day, and the most memorable and enjoyable part.
We had trickled away most of our time perusing products, making decisions about buying and
not buying, and being bombarded by all that we didn't
have. It not only created new "wants" in me, it stole time from something far
more enjoyable and worthwhile--a relationship.
Beware of your own time-stealers. They'll usually be enjoyable, or you wouldn't be doing
them, but seldom are they what you most want out
of life. An hour-long TV show (which is 20 minutes of commercials) may on the surface seem
good for "relaxing" and "entertainment," but can't compare to the deep
satisfaction of spending that hour learning piano, or painting, or writing your novel, or
playing zoo with your child.
Let's all start doing what we truly desire. Every day. Our lives won't look like the
typical on-line, sitcom-savvy, mall-hopping American who smells more of cleaning products
than human. Our lives will instead be rich. Relaxed. Full. Healthy. We'll be better, and
the world will be better. Let's say a universal "NO" to time-stealers that keep
us from doing the good, true work of our lives.
Everyday Ecstasy
A traditional Irish tune had never quite sounded this way. Four of us were gathered for
one of our delicious music jams, where we spend a night improvising, experimenting, and
surprising ourselves through rhythm and sound. The play is sometimes crazy, sometimes
sweet, and always ecstatic.
We were doing terrifically wild variations on Swallowtail Jig, playing it over and over,
becoming ever more driving and fierce, accelerating-- until suddenly, inexplicably, all
four of us stopped. The last slamming chord hung in the air, and the song's echo skittered
around in the silence as if it didn't know what to do without us. I felt electric,
completely connected to these three others. Then we burst into astonished laughter at the
thrill of the "group mind" stopping us at the same moment, with no signal.
The night and the music wove on. Late in the evening, the air coming out of Pete's big
drum blew out the candle in the center of our circle. As we beat a primal, tribal rhythm
in the dark, I closed my eyes and took a ride on the music. Soon I found myself yelping
percussive syllables, my voice now a rhythm instrument. Moments later, Pete, Sid and I
were locked into a mysterious, three-part chant that seemed to come from some other land.
The harmonies were in perfect tune, sending vibrations deep into my bones. Our three
voices moved like one, wandering through the atmosphere. Energy permeated my body like a
cellular massage. Gradually the chant and the drums diminished to a whisper, and trailed
off into a silence that thrummed with energy. I drifted on the afterglow.
I need ecstasy in my life. It may come in different forms--sexual, creative,
spiritual--but it is all one grand elixir. All of it leaves my body better, healthier,
energized. All of it advances me on my life path. And all of it is wondrous good fun. I
love the moments of "flow," of losing track of time when deeply immersed in
making art, cooking, playing violin, embracing my husband, being in nature, or giving
maximum athletic effort to something.
What would your life look like if it were fraught with ecstasy? Would you go outside more,
paint more, make love more? Would you eat differently, construct your day differently?
Would you change jobs? Would you pay more attention to what's already at hand--play more
games with your child, notice the colors and smells of your food, enjoy the heat of the
water while washing dishes?
Sometimes we get so separated from the ecstatic that we forget what gives us that high.
But most of us have had it! Remember the unabashed joy you had as a child playing outside?
Autumn glowed, with days that seemed to crackle with sound and smell. The sun was warm,
the air scented with dried leaves, and you ran through piles of them until your legs ached
with pleasant tiredness and the streetlights came on.
It's time that we adults reclaim the ecstasy that permeates everyday life. It is
impossible for life to be boring or uninteresting if we are awake, sensing, aware, and
grateful. Even with our grown-up jobs, money puzzles, and responsibilities, it IS possible
to be ecstatic on a daily basis. If bliss isn't popping its head in your door regularly,
here are some everyday ecstasies to get lost in:
The Adventure Walk
Allow two hours or more for a meandering, curiosity-directed exploration. Stop and look at
worms, flowers, dog doo, and people because you have no agenda, no distance requirement,
no aerobic heart rate to achieve--just a massive interest in an awesome planet. Crush
leaves and smell them. Make a rule that for the next block you can't step on twigs. Stop
and admire the whooshing treetops in the breeze up high. Sit next to a tree for awhile and
just watch all that happens around you.
Spa Night
Declare an evening "spa night," and allow only beauty and comfort into your
space. Buy or pick glorious flowers, turn off the TV, let voice mail answer the phone, put
on music you love or just enjoy the velvet quiet. Eat a light, wholesome meal, draw a
scented bath, light candles as the sun goes down, linger over a book, massage every inch
of yourself with oil...you can design the evening that will delight and rejuvenate you
best.
Body stretch
You can do this one right now. Like a cat, stretch every angle and appendage of your body.
Enjoy the feel of muscles and tendons reaching their maximum length. Contort your face and
feel the massaging action of your skin. Notice how every part of you hugs defining bone.
Be grateful you have a body.
Play with a child
One of the most beautiful days I can remember is spending an entire day with a ten-year
old on a small sandy island in the middle of a lake. We played Queen of the World,
creating altars and castles from sand, shell, rocks, and twigs. We rolled down the steep
dune. We walked at the edge of the water, watching our feet press water out of the sand,
then little waves foam around our toes and fill in our heel prints. Find a kid--yours,
your brother's, the neighbor's, or the one in front of you in the grocery line. Smile at
that child. Make a face or animal sounds. Play peek-a-boo. Throw a ball around. Join in
hopscotch. Play in the sandbox. Imagine you are unicorns. Turn off your pager and be with
a child for awhile.
Grateful prayer
Every night, give thanks for the chance to be alive and conscious of it, and name five
other things you are especially grateful for that day. Nothing is too small. The prayer I
remember most is from a 6-year old: "Dear God, thank you for trees and
sweaters."
Come up with anything on your own that will help pop you back into the natural state of
bliss. I garden barefoot, enjoying the silky feel of soil on feet and hands. You might eat
supper on the front step, dust off your bike to whiz around town, or lie naked in the sun.
Be awake. Be alive. Be ecstatic. Remember the proverb: First ecstasy, then laundry.
The Opposite of Truth
is...Truth.
The Divine cannot be contained in one idea or form. As soon as we think we've
"got" it, we've squelched it into a puny human construct. Any idea someone
espouses about God, the Universe, ________ (insert your preferred term here) can be argued
another way from someone equally spirit-filled and earnest.
I struggled for years with the ever-puzzling nature of the divine. Was it a creative force
filled with love, deeply and personally caring for every detail of our lives? Or a benign
and indifferent power that set the laws of the universe in motion and is simply letting
them roll? Both seem true, depending upon what perspective I consider at the moment.
Does each of us truly matter? There was a time when my self-esteem was low and the thought
of my life deeply mattering was a needed, loving boost. Later in my life, as I took on all
the troubles of the world and worked and worked and worked because I believed everything I
did really mattered, I needed the opposite perspective: I was not essential to the
universe. I was no more important than the billions of other people who have walked this
planet, and the trillions of dragonflies that have flown, and the innumerable blades of
grass. The world would stay on its path regardless of my efforts, good or bad. It was
sweet relief.
There are wise teachings that say that when something is true, its opposite is also true.
And so, we do matter. And we really don't. The divine is made of pure love. And the divine
is neutral. Even when I've sought truth in such safe, over-arching maxims as
"moderation in all things," I've realized that there are even limits to those.
There is a time for excess and zealotry. And so even that wise maxim needs a disclaimer of
"Moderation in moderation!"
At one time I was manager of Employee Relations at a large company. One of my
responsibilities was to be sure we were making meaningful progress on Affirmative Action
goals. I believe in affirmative action, because I know enough about human nature to know
that we tend to hire and promote those who are most like us. That makes it hard for anyone
who is not "the norm." I didn't want people's biases making decisions that
should be made upon performance and qualifications. So, I vigorously worked for the
principles of affirmative action.
Then I left the corporate world and moved to the country. Suddenly I was in a world that
operated upon the opposite of affirmative action:
information and help was offered if you had personal connections and similarity with a
person. It was amazing how things would open up for my roommate at the time, who was
Norwegian. Since the majority of people in that community were descendants of the first
Norwegian settlers, they bonded to Kay and practically adopted her as a daughter on the
spot. In a rural place where there is no central source for information (such as in a
large metro area, with a comprehensive yellow pages, centralized government, etc.) and
each small community is fairly isolated from the next, it is essential to make those bonds
of sameness in order to be part of the informal information network. And I could see that
this way of operating was good--even though it is based upon principles that are directly
opposed to those of affirmative action. It fostered talking with neighbors, lingering at
gas stations, delving for connection with people, something our modern world severely
lacks. I was in a philosophical pickle. To resolve it, I had to admit that, despite the
fact that the worlds of affirmative action and rural life were based on pretty much
opposite truths, they were both good.
In my work as a personal coach I see the beauty of multiple and opposite truths. Since the
coaching process brings out a person's inner wisdom and clear thinking, a client often
comes upon a truth that helps guide him or her. And in my next coaching call with someone
else, an opposite truth may arise, and it will be perfect for that person. I am humbly
reminded that coaching is not about me being a big expert and telling clients what to do;
it is about helping people each find the guiding principles that work for them. And, as a
coach, I see time and again that opposites are true.
Clients may even be working on opposite aims. One is starting a business and working hard,
another is trying to find balance by working less. One is working on cleaning up her house
while another is trying to let go of her perfectionism. I have learned to reside calmly in
the place where many opposing things are true.
I like the debate team exercise of taking an issue and deliberately arguing for the side
that you disagree with. If we could all cultivate this degree of compassion for other
viewpoints, we could live more peacefully with our gorgeous and divine diversity. So when
you find yourself all hot about how wrong someone is, try looking for the wisdom in their
oppositeness.
And remember, one thing is sure. Everything I've written here is true. And not.
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